Compensations and such

I have a sister that my former self veritably raised. She cannot remember me baby sitting her when I was 8 or 9 dressed in girl clothes and acting like a girl (she was 4 or 5). This went on for 2 to 3 years.
All my life I felt that I always wavered towards the feminine and a few friends and such commented over the years. I was feminine in a lot of what I thought were obvious ways ballet, played a girl often, disdained many masculine activities, and the list goes on right, etc…?
The thing is with a few exceptions and teasing here and there few people noticed. Of course I covered it a lot sometimes I think deliberately.
Because I also did some very extreme I guess male-ish things to compensate and maybe just satiate that male part of that I was forced to build.Who knows?
But because of that I think some people including that sister saw me very much in the latter activities and because of that it is hard for them to take that image of me apart.
Which is not really necessary from my point of view,because most of that was really me. Gender is silly like that.
At any rate that sister and I have still not spoken from transition, which breaks my heart.
But we go on.

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1 thought on “Compensations and such”

  1. (((((((((((((((hug)))))))))))))))))) my heart goes out to you. i think that you are a very brave girl. i am not brave at all. i knew that i was a girl since i was 5 but have not transitioned yet because i havealways been afriad of what my family would think………………sigh, it is worse this way, i wish i was as brave as you are.

    Liked by 1 person

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